Today a struggle I thought I had mastered came back to haunt me. I pleaded to The Lord to show me why this same struggle was still present in me. He gently answered me with, "Because today you did not trust Me." The realization that my lack of faith today had led me down the same dark path brought grief. For a moment I was again helpless, but then He so lovingly reminded me of how I was to conquer my challenges. I am to look to Him. When I am weak, then The Lord can be strong. I was weak, but was powerless in myself to handle that weakness. God continues to offer me His strenght if I choose to look to Him. I was reminded that much of my weaknesses come from long periods of habitual sin. I worry and am anxious about many things in life. I dwell on the negative and with my thoughts and actions acuse God of being less than good. These habits will take time to break. It should be no surprise that the fight against the flesh will be difficult. My old self does not want to die. It wants to be in control. It is so prideful and arrogant. It questions God. It is not of God, and if not of God, then who? Facing this reality is difficult, but critical to begin to let The Lord work in me. My heart must be broken by who I am in order to allow God to heal it.
The culture we live in is filled with instant gratification. We want immediate results and quick solutions. How long have I lived my life expecting instant spiritual gratification? How can I expect to read the Word and have it permanently change me if I don't diligently seek to apply it to my life? There is no such thing as spiritual fast food. We are to be fed on the Word of God. The Lord is the bread of life. His Word is food for our soul. When we come to know Christ as our Savior we are told to desire and long for spiritual milk like an infant. But we are also told to desire solid food. If I am only looking for an instant quick fix to my problem in the moment, but do not strive against it, then I will only fail the next time it comes my way. I must be active in the process of doing away with those things in my life that are contrary to God. I must learn to chew on the Word and take time to digest it completely. I must meditate on it, pray about it, and ask The Lord to work those things out in my life. I cannot change through simply reading the words alone. I now find myself wanting to have a wholesome fresh meal. I don't want to live on day old stale bread, but on the words that The Lord has for me today. It is not enough to sit through a sermon, listen to someone else talk about how much they love the Lord, or to try to hitch a ride on another believer's relationship with the Lord. This means there is serious effort to be made. I must seek Him. I must want to know Him. Then I must desire to be more like Him. That is the beginning...then I must act on what He shows me. I must be obedient and trust that His ways are best.
In His infinite wisdom, God allows us to go through different struggles and trials. He does this to bring us to our knees so we will trust Him. He wants to have our eyes fixed on Him alone. I am thankful today for what He used to teach me. Homeschooling is a challenge in itself. Throw in personalities that clash and it can be downright frustrating. Today was one of those days when I wondered why I do this to myself. The Lord quickly reminded me that I can learn in every situation. The lesson today...patience. By no means do I claim to have mastery over patience. I am learning it day by day. I fail often, and must ask for forgiveness more than I would like to admit. But I am hopeful because I know that He has begun a work in me. I know that I can fill my mind with the words that He gives about patience. I can meditate on these things. I can ask for His help and power to apply them, and then rest in Him when the trials come.
Ephesians 3:19-21
1 Corinthians 3:1-3
Hebrews 5:12-14
1 Peter 2:1-3
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